Used to be Orange

i told you guys that i have depression but not what lead to it. well.... i don't know if i can or would tell you about it. not yet. but some of my friends knew about it and i'm okay as long as they're the ones that knows it. how do i say this, i'm not ashamed about it at all but i don't think anyone needs to know about my personal life. i know, me writing in a public blog isn't anywhere private. just bare with me okay. i need to let my feelings out. and sometimes i feel like sharing with people even when i'm actually babbling here. anyway, some of my friends are dealing with the same thing and they're very secretive about it. some are very good friends of mine and i just know about it a last year. but i think it's their right. but how come they are so cool about it? don't they feel like wanted to scream at everyone? well i sure feel like screaming. or is it because i have depression? or because i'm so broken inside that it takes me...

i know. i told you that i'm recovering but something triggered me and it came into a spiral again. i should never listen to my heart. it's still can't think straight. yesterday i went to the clinic. i have a ringing in my ear for a few days now. so i went for a check. it turns out nothing is wrong with my ear. it's all in my head. that is a nerve was compressing my head and i feel it in my ear. something like that. is it because of my depression? well i was kinda a little bit depressed. and i did fell on my head a few times before. so  i did some massage on my head and neck. the ringing had kinda stop. well anyway, today is a new day. i can get through this. i just need to avoid the -ve people. love myself more. if only it is as simple as that. people really thought i was just sad. it's difficult. people just don't understand that you are struggling. your mind is in a constant battle with yourself. i just hope that some day i can get to the end of th...