Bad episode
i had a really bad episode yesterday that leading me contemplating the end, obviously. it's coming to the end of ramadan and the festive season are coming in. i thought i was strong. well... i'm not. people are busy preparing for eid al mubarak. i'm here staring at my ceiling deciding how to end it all. i try so hard; but to come to this point and then crashing hard. i hate it every time i do this to myself. i try reaching out to my mum. but when i hear my mom's laughter, it brings joy and sadness to me at the same time. why do i have to be like this? it's not her fault that she had a daughter like me. she didn't even know i was suffering. i didn't want to ruin her night. =(( so i said have a great night and hung up. i tried calling my friends. they want to come over. i said no. i don't want them to see me like this. then what do you need? just stay with me. talk to me. so we talk. each one of them taking turns to talk to me. thank you