Used to be Orange

i don't know if this is a phase or something good worth writing about. am i having a midlife crisis? it's like i'm walking blindfolded. i don't know what is good anymore. i want to be living. not just walking through my life. i want to do something. anything. maybe it is something good. is it?? i don't know anymore. please just stay with me. okay. just. for now.

Sometimes i want to runaway from my thoughts. Because they are so negative that it sucks all the wonderful things in my life. I feel like i can't trust anyone anymore. I feel like ending it. I know this is not me but i can't help it. Each time i fell deeper and deeper until i became nothing. i have no one.