Maybe

i don't know if this is a phase or something good worth writing about. am i having a midlife crisis? it's like i'm walking blindfolded. i don't know what is good anymore.

i want to be living. not just walking through my life. i want to do something. anything.

maybe it is something good.

is it??

i don't know anymore.

please just stay with me. okay.

just. for now.




Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

My struggle with mental health

  hi, welcome to my blog. it's been a while. i nearly forgot that i even have this blog. i don't even know why i type that title. maybe for clickbait? hahaha anyway...to say that i'm struggling is an understatement. i just feel empty. i don't feel joy anymore. or maybe it's just my depression talking. you know what. scratch that. i need to be clear. you see, to write all of this takes a lot of courage. i know i talk a lot about my mental health, my depression but that only the gist of it. if u really2 should know i was diagnose with cyclothymia. what is that?  well....doctors called it the baby bipolar. so that means i got a little high but not quite enough to be mania and then i got low but not enough to be the textbook depression. meaning when i'm in mania i may look a little bit happier than usual but not in a hyper way and when i'm in low mood, my depression doesn't stay longer than a week maybe...does that make sense? it doesn't make sense. i k...
Read more

Support system

when you have depression, the one thing that you want to do is isolate yourself. which is not good for you. but you can't help it. you want to reach out but your mind is telling you things like you're a burden to everyone, nobody loves you nobody really cares about you and it sometimes lead you to the edge you know, when you fell into a hole you only see what's in front of you you're so stuck up with your thoughts that you can't seem to find a way out when you tell people about it they would give you suggestions like why don't you pray more go out and exercise see new people make new friends but what if i don't want to do any of that? some days i can't even get out of my room let alone out of bed how can i do all those things? but in those times, i manage to reach out to my best friend she really knows me inside out she always listens to whatever that i wanted to say even if it's not rational or little dumb things and it woul...
Read more

My memories will always be with you

 How do you cope with loss? do you cry all day? do you get angry? do you blame yourself? well i am all of those feelings. having bpd is not easy. it's a struggle. we got issues around abandonment.  whether people left us, or we just imagining it. it hurts so bad. i'm trying to distract myself from these feelings. i know they are real but i don't want to be consume by it. feeling alone and empty is one thing, but feeling like people abandon you is something. maybe that person is in trouble or they are busy. so i just have to wait. give them some time.  things will get better. you will be better.
Read more