Used to be Orange

i told you guys that i have depression but not what lead to it. well.... i don't know if i can or would tell you about it. not yet. but some of my friends knew about it and i'm okay as long as they're the ones that knows it. how do i say this, i'm not ashamed about it at all but i don't think anyone needs to know about my personal life. i know, me writing in a public blog isn't anywhere private. just bare with me okay. i need to let my feelings out. and sometimes i feel like sharing with people even when i'm actually babbling here. anyway, some of my friends are dealing with the same thing and they're very secretive about it. some are very good friends of mine and i just know about it a last year. but i think it's their right. but how come they are so cool about it? don't they feel like wanted to scream at everyone? well i sure feel like screaming. or is it because i have depression? or because i'm so broken inside that it takes me...

i'm a mess. i don't know whether to feel happy or sad. i just feel miserable. i don't know if this is my depression talking because i thought i had move all past that. you see, i try to wean myself from the meds. so now i have to confront all this shit feeling that i had ignored. maybe i wean myself too fast? or is this how i'm supposed to feel? i don't know. its all a jumble. but i do know that i started to feel things again. things that i haven't been doing for soo long. maybe i am getting better. i just need time. and a holiday. am trying to save money but it's hard. nowadays, i'm in the mood of trying new food. yes, i splurge on food. i don't like shopping. i'm thinking of korean food. but the affordable ones are not so great in taste. well the first few times are good but now it just tastes dull. so now the ones that are available are more expensive. can i do both? eating my heart out on a holiday?

hey, i don't know how to say this but i used to have a blog. well let's just say that the blog had so much going on that i can't handle it anymore. i try to edit some things out but it takes so much time. so this is my conclusion. create a new blog. this would be the new me. i thought i would stop blogging but i can't. it's who i am. it's what makes me...me. anyway, enough introduction. hopefully i can walk past all the things that are going on and think more towards the future. please pray for me okay.